This is a self-portrait.
People don’t always see the real you. They see through their own lenses of insecurity and judgement, we all do it. The world changes, people change, depending on who is looking.
The mirror doesn’t typically show you who you really are either. At least that’s the case with me. It shows you the shell, the outer layer, the Shield, the mask… the body that both protects and hides who you really are.
Our words, our actions, our stories, our songs and our art are the only tools we have to show the world what we look like on the inside.
And so, I paint because I must.
I write because I must.
I sing and I dance because I must.
Because I am not body,
I simply am.
And I hope that by showing you the crazy, weird, vulnerable, passionate person that’s inside of me, something will resonate with you. That the person you are on the inside will leap with joy and find the courage to show it’s beautiful self to the world as well. Courage is hard, but they say it’s contagious. Authenticity is always under attack, it’s also the key that unlocks our bliss.
Show yourself, be yourself.
Let’s fight for our joy together!
This is a self portrait-
The waning crescent is what the moon looked like the night I was born. The mountains represent where I was born. The seed around my neck represents the potential power of creation that must be warmed and woken up by the heart. The flowers around my head represent how cultivating our potential with our mind can contain, grow and then manifest it into reality.
The rich soil represents the people that hold me up, nourish me, and gift me with the warm and potent energy to be who I was designed called and gifted to be (my creator, my husband, my tribe.)
Multiple roots represent different spiritual/religious exposures, practices and schools of thought, each supporting me differently, but in unison. The branches form a heart and represent my desire to be significant to the world by providing it with love, beauty and open armed encouragement.
The varying colors of leaves remind me that growth doesn’t always look the same and that each experience is necessary to the whole.
The light behind me is my reminder that we can only see the light in others if we cultivate it in ourselves first. The sparkle in my eyes represents both my desire and ability to truly see people and love them both as they are and as who I know they will be. My smile is a reminder that we were created for joy, it is our purpose and our path.
The encroaching black behind me reminds me that darkness is not the enemy, blindness is. That our fear is simply a blindfold on our faith and that I get to choose whether or not to wear it.
The lines, the grains and the swirl of the womb within my trunk remind me that creation does not leave scars but clues, physical symbols of our elevation and expansion.
The 3 eggs and the nest represent my 3 children and my understanding that they are not mine. They are not my branches to grow and then cut off. They are individual and unique creations that I can shelter, protect and rock through storms. I can give them space and safety to find their wings and cultivate their courage. I offer them the option to always come back and bask in my outstretched arms and warm themselves with my love. I do not expect them to put down roots beside me, I simply hope they allow my authenticity to mirror back to them the unspoken permission to be themselves. Knowing through faith that they are uniquely enough and showing through example that the provision to be authentic is within their reach, within their heart.
All of these things sing the same quiet song, they whisper the same command, the same expression of my identity.
I am a creator,
Who was created,
By THE Creator,
This is who I chose to see,
The seed, the blossom, the roots and the tree.
I am the mother and she is me.
I seek not to become,
But just to be.
This is a self-portrait.
Nicole B Roberts
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